JOKES (warning possible sexual references/offensive language)

im mainly setting this up for funny phrases, one liners, jokes

try to keep it clean but im sure were all grown up enough to understand the jokes. be warned, if you are easily offended DO NOT READ.

if you find some jokes offensive (no racial content to be posted in this topic) then please report them or ask for them to be removed

=]

also feel free to post funny images/youtube videos

admins can u write back here, im requesting for people to be alowed to double post in this topic (not excessivly) but to save time waiting for people to think up other jokes, or greate a new subforum called comedy central for jokes and other humor

Joe was moderately successful in his career, but as he got older he was
increasingly hampered by incredible headaches. When his personal
hygiene and love life started to suffer, he sought medical help. After
being referred from one specialist to another, he finally came across a
doctor who solved the problem.
"The good news is I can cure your headaches... The bad news is that it
will require castration. You have a very rare condition which causes
your testicles to press up against the base of your spine. The pressure
creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is
to remove the testicles."

Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live
for. He couldn't concentrate long enough to answer, but decided he had
no choice but to go under the knife.

When he left the hospital, his mind was clear, but he felt like he was
missing an important part of himself. As he walked down the street, he
realized that he felt like a different person. He could make a new
beginning and live a new life.

He walked past a men's clothing store and thought, "That's what I need:
a new suit." He entered the shop and told the salesman, "I'd like a new
suit."

The salesman eyed him briefly and said, "Let's see... size 44 long." Joe laughed, "That's right, how did you know?"

"It's my job."

Joe tried on the suit. It fit perfectly. As Joe admired himself in the
mirror, the salesman asked, "How about a new shirt?" Joe thought for a
moment and then said, "Sure..."

The salesman eyed Joe and said, "Let's see... 34 sleeve and... 16 and a
half neck" Joe was surprised, "That's right, how did you know?"

"It's my job."

Joe tried on the shirt, and it fit perfectly. As Joe adjusted the
collar in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about new shoes?" Joe
was on a roll and said, "Sure..."

The salesman eyed Joe's feet and said, "Let's see... 9-1/2... E." Joe was astonished, "That's right, how did you know?"

"It's my job."

Joe tried on the shoes and they fit perfectly. Joe walked comfortably
around the shop and the salesman asked, "How about a new hat?" Without
hesitating, Joe said, "Sure..."

The salesman eyed Joe's head and said, "Let's see... 7-5/8." Joe was incredulous, "That's right, how did you know?"

"It's my job."

The hat fit perfectly. Joe was feeling great, when the salesman asked,
"How about some new underwear?" Joe thought for a second and said,
"Sure..." The salesman stepped back, eyed Joe's waist and said, "Let's
see... size 36."

Joe laughed, "No, I've worn size 34 since I was 18 years old."

The salesman shook his head, "You can't wear a size 34. It would press
your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell
of a headache."

lol

on my old ET clan forums (enemy territory) we have a comedy central bit, with jokes n stuff

cmon billy, i bet you have some jokes, feel free to post em

Here is mine:

[RP]Doggy[FT] is cool

hahahahah, lol, jokes are crazy, i love them lolz, rofl

lolzzzz

I didn't know better joke but.. here it comes!

OK there was a magical building where when you jump off and say a word, you become whatever you say. A red head jumps off the building and says "Falcon!" She turns into a falcon. A brunette jumps off the building and says "Eagle!" She turns into an eagle. A blonde jumps off the building and says "Oh, crap!"

HeartlyGirl wrote:I didn't know better joke but.. here it comes!

OK there was a magical building where when you jump off and say a word, you become whatever you say. A red head jumps off the building and says "Falcon!" She turns into a falcon. A brunette jumps off the building and says "Eagle!" She turns into an eagle. A blonde jumps off the building and says "Oh, crap!"

lol .

Nice ...

im guessing your the blonde cause you look and smell like that crap =D

^^^ lmfao